June 10, 2006
letting things go
The last three days since my chemo treatment have been pretty intense. I spend at least half of the day in bed, sleeping or in semi-sleep. I’ve got dull pain all over. I’m constantly thirsty - I wake up parched and chug water from the bottle beside my bed, then roll over and go back to sleep. My eating and digestion are totally weird - like the wires are crossed. I can see why people lose weight - half the time I’m not sure if I’m hungry or not, and my gut doesn’t know what to do with the food I eat.
It feels like a bad hangover that just keeps going. No doubt that’s what is happening - my body is on massive detox mode. Everything must go! I’ve been having vivid dreams - a lot of people and places from my past, which is a sign to me that things are being let go.
I’ve had a bit of anxiety that the next six months are going to be just more of this, but it is usually a passing feeling - after all what can I do? Just be in the moment, don’t resist, let happen what needs to happen.
I had six friends give me a hands-on healing today, which was a beautiful and sacred experience. It was very comforting for my body, and gave me a renewed focus on the spiritual and healing aspects of this whole ordeal. Ultimately it’s all about letting things go.
tags: cancer, healing, hodgkin’s lymphoma, lymphoma, chemotherapy, spirituality
posted: 12:27 am
keith I am picturing you running a marathon with all it’s hills and heat and pain and thirst and twists and turns and ups and downs and you are holding your head up high thru it all while your fans cheer you on to the finish line. we can’t run the race for you but we can watch and douse you with our love.
d
Don’t assume it’ll be like this every day all day.
more likely than not, you’ll have this detox reaction for 3-5 days after your chemo. then settle down to some sort of equilibrium.
yeah, it’s true. that was the worst of it. i’ve been feeling significantly better since saturday.